If it’s not our own self-talk asking the questions, it’s media. We are constantly rating ourselves, analyzing our self-worth, taking Facebook quizzes. (I’m a grammar whiz and a genius according to these scales by the way. Just look at all these Oxford commas!) And we want and crave that feedback, to validate our vast knowledge of useless widgets and our impeccable recall of 5th grade facts. We put a tremendous amount of energy into making ourselves look, feel, and be better. And often times, we put even more effort into making sure that is validated by others.
I carry a great sense of pride in my accomplishments, my ability to learn, adapt, and master. I’ve always been that special kind of nerd who craves more knowledge. But lately, that pride has been diminished to a dull light. I found myself starting this year off like the guy in the Domino’s Pizza commercial. I’m no longer employed, and my dream job slipped through my fingers to the only other candidate left standing with me.
The last few weeks have been difficult, telling friends and family. It’s a glorious cocktail of a salt-rimmed, lime-garnished, gut-punch. And after downing the punch, it’s the bitter aftertaste of not being able to answer the question, “Now what?”
I’ve spent some time thinking of the things I’m most passionate about. For me, that’s pretty easy – Steed Ranch. The outdoors have been a big part of my life – my escape, my salvation, and my sanctuary. I love to hunt, fish, shoot, 4-wheel, garden, and cook. I love showing my children what nature brings us and how food is grown. My favorite times are those spent on my back deck with a cup of coffee or cocktail, or 15 ft. up in a tree stand. Steed Ranch never lets me down. Steed Ranch always listens. And when I listen back, I learn more about myself and this place we call home than I ever imagined I would.
In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks. – John Muir
I need an outlet to get me off the mundane job search and depressing conversations with connections about me being “in the market” so I decided to write. The only thing I really wanted to write about was country living and life on Steed Ranch with my family. I know the journey of remodeling and building a life out here so far has been exciting with some pretty funny stories. But those fears and doubts of not being good enough quickly crept in. I haven’t lived on a farm my whole life. We don’t own livestock or produce anything except for ourselves. Am I even country enough to write about it?
I guess that will be for others to judge as they read my new blog. But I do know I am smart enough. After all, that Facebook quiz told me I am a genius.